Blessing the Younger Me (Part 1 of Many)

So my kind-of therapist, Andrew, has been telling me to bless the younger version of me, the 12-15 year old fundie, who was a judgmental, self-centered little bigot. So I’m kind of doing that. Uhh, I’m trying to, anyway. I’ve started by reentering the mind of that girl and trying to figure her out. I have her blog to help me–called “LaUrEn’Z sChNaZz-Ay LiFe.”

Some of this stuff is pure gold. But other stuff makes me want to puke and gouge my eyes out. But I want to love her. I need to love her! As Dan Allender said in class Monday, we carry around those memories with us. Therapy is so often about dealing with those memories and reading them closely, then blessing the person I was–somehow.

So, I want to start this by going through this survey I filled out on September 14, 2004. (Yes, I am young. Get over it.)

Things that make me wanna barf now (or things that are less true):

30. HOW OLD DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR FIRST CHILD: In my mid 20s [Ohh God.]
31. HOW OLD DO YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU GET MARRIED?: Around 21 [So I could drink at my wedding. That’s what I would say.]
32. WOULD YOU HAVE KIDS BEFORE MARRIAGE: NO! DURR [God forbid would I live with a boy. Oh, how this girl would have judged me now!]
47. WHAT’S A MAJOR TURN ON FOR YOU: Does being in love w/ Christ count???!?!
58. WHAT IS AN OBJECT YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT: My Bible [Maybe this will be true again.]
86. DO YOU HAVE ANY ENEMIES: Satan [Hahahaha. Well, sure. It’s a little unhonest though.]
88. WOULD YOU RATHER BE RICH OR FAMOUS: Rich so I can give a lot of it to the Church of Christ! Wa hoo
90. IF YOU HAD 24 HOURS LEFT TO LIVE, WHO WOULD YOU SPEND THAT TIME WITH: Those who wouldn’t make it into heaven so i could see them there! [Oh, oh dear. Though, I guess there are worst things I could spend my time doing.]
91. DO YOU WANNA DIE IN YOUR SLEEP OR A DIFFERENT WAY: OO be a martyr [Well, let’s call this bravery.]

Truer ones:

87. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR: Getting out of my comfort zone [OK, I like this. I was honest! I was finally truly honest with myself–yes, I hate being uncomfortable. And when I’m uncomfortable, I do things that aren’t so nice. I put up walls and say mean things and cry a lot. I was on to something here. But unfortunately, I kept treating the symptoms of this, not really getting to the root of it.]
79. WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE GOALS: To get good grades so I can get into a nice college [Well, when is this not a goal of mine?]